Why the season premiere of GIRLS made me sad

Thursday, January 15, 2015

I love the show, GIRLS, I do. From the moment I finished the pilot episode I knew I was hooked, and I watched all three available seasons in quick succession. But something happened this time around that made my heart ache. 

It started when Marnie stopped by at 6am to see Hannah off. As they struggle to get her suitcase zipped up, Hannah pulls her friend into a long, heartfelt hug... and the aching in my chest exploded. 

I can empathize with Hannah. I know what it's like to leave the security of your home, and everything and everyone you know, and move on to a new chapter in your life, hoping that you're heading towards something amazing, something that will define you and shape you into the person you so desperately want to be.

January 22nd will mark four years since I left my friends, family and everything behind to move to Las Vegas. There has and always will be a hole in my chest for all that remains back in Canada, and witnessing that desperate hug among two best friends really hit hard. Not a day goes by that I don't miss my life back home.

And so, as Hannah and Marnie hugged, I cried. I cried for all that I am missing - all the coffee dates and parties and milestones - and what my friends and family are in turn missing in regards to my life. Distance is isolating, lonely and deafening, and I often wonder if and when it will ever get any easier. Yet as the episode ended with Hannah in the back seat of her parents car on the way to the airport, I wiped my tears with the sleeve of my shirt and took a deep breath.

I am stronger than Hannah Horvath, this I know.

I'll be okay.

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  1. I don't watch Girls, but I can totally relate. My husband and I are both from Michigan but have been living in Washington DC since 2009 (2008 for him since he moved a little earlier than I did). We have a few acquaintances out here, but zero actual friends or family. We use up every ounce of paid vacation time we get from work to go home to visit family, meaning we have no time left to take a real vacation ever. He's been trying unsuccessfully to find a new job back in Michigan for two years now (my job is potentially portable). It's so tough sometimes not to have anyone to just call up to go to a movie with or invite over for a game night. He has a job interview today that we're really crossing our fingers for, but we've gotten so used to being let down that it's almost a habit at this point! I guess all of this to say, even though you're alone, you're not alone, you know?

    1. It is tough to find the time and money to go back home and visit. I have been lucky in that I've been able to make it back 1-2 times a year, but I won't be able to keep up with that forever.

      Thank you for commenting. It's nice to know i'm not alone.

  2. I just saw this, Rachel, and believe me when I say "I get it." We move every couple of years. I haven't lived "at home" since I was 17, so... half my life. Even still, I thought I'd be near enough to home at some point, but life had a different plan. We move every few years for my husband's job, and now we'll be moving three times in three years (one down - two to go!). It's crazy, and this time around, we are really far from home. I find I'm calling my aunts, my grandma, and my cousins more frequently, which helps. But sometimes you're just homesick, and there's nothing you can do about it except watch an episode of "Parks and Rec" and get some sleep. Sending you a hug from Rhode Island :) xoxo

  3. Oh Rachel. I constantly say how hard it is to have your heart in two places. While I love New Mexico and the friends I have made here, my heart aches for Pennsylvania. For home. For my parents. For my lifelong friends. When I am here, I miss it there. When I am there, I miss it here. I was "lucky" to spend 8 weeks of 2014 at home because of my surgeries but I think it's only made it harder. You're definitely not alone!

  4. Thank you for sharing, I moved away from my friends and family three years ago for work, although I went back often to start with I now only get to visit once or twice a year. It is a massive struggle, especially when you don't have any one to share your thoughts with or just have a hug.
    I know it's not the same but at least with technology these days your family isn't that far away and I've found it's a great opportunity to find new friends in the area as well as around the world.
    My husband has since moved to be with me, but it's not always easy when you miss home.

    You are strong and you will be OK x


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